just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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