Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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