Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You can't just leave with hair like that
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
