god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
lol hangovers are for mortals.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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