I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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