Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I wish you could order shots online.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
