I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
