dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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