i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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