We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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