FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
