Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
