i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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