so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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