apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
