names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
