i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
