happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I should be sponsored by Trojan
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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