there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
