I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
