I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Randomize
