I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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