my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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