Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You dont lie about slip and slides
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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