My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
