he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
