how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
