This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
