Whatcha textin bout Willis?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
