i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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