someone owes me an orgasm
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
