I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Vodka?
Forever.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
