my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
