this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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