I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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