all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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