I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
