she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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