all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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