There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
