He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
if only i could text you this smell
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
