I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize