Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
