I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We talked him into tasing himself.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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