Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize