he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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