what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
