Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
did you just send me my own nude
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize