After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
