so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
This is the high leading the old right now
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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