My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
