in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
