Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
