I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
