We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I think people are normalizing furries
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
