i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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