I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
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