Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize