one word: firstdatebathroomanal
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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