just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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