Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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