I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
