Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
