If i come over, it means nothing
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
