and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
