I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
