I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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