Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
