i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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