just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
