i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
