Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
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