My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
