it's like iHOP with fire
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
