Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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