Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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