I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
