3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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