im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
