wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
