Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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