It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
