Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm bleeding and have questions
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
