One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
